Saturday, April 14, 2012

Wahai Remaja...

Wahai remaja di luar sana, ingatlah bahawa hidup ini cuma sementara waktu sahaja dan akhirat itu kekal abadi. Jadi marilah kita sama-sama mensyukuri nikmat yang Allah anugerahkan kepada kita dan meninggalkan maksiat kepada-Nya.

Wahai remaja, sesunggunya lelaki dan wanita diciptakan untuk saling lengkap melengkapi antara satu sama lain. Oleh itu, Allah menganugerahkan perasaan cinta, kasih dan sayang kepada lelaki dan wanita.

Tetapi ingatlah wahai remaja, jika betul anda menyukai seseorang maka salurkan lah ia pada jalan yang dibenarkan oleh agama kita iaitu Islam. Janganlah anda berdua-duaan sebelum anda diijab qabulkan sebagai suami isteri kerana,

Rasulullah saw telah bersabda yang maksudnya: “Mana-mana lelaki tidak akan berdua-duaan (berkhalwat) dengan perempuan, melainkan pasti syaitan akan menjadi yang ketiga”. (Riwayat At-Tirmidzi)

Jadi jika benar anda ingin berjumpa dengan teman anda bawalah mahram anda. Sesungguhnya Islam itu agama yang mulia. Islam melarang umatnya menjerumuskan diri ke dalam lembah kebinasaan. Seperti firman Allah, "Dan janganlah kamu mendekati zina; sesungguhnya zina itu adalah suatu perbuatan yang keji dan suatu jalan yang buruk."
(Surah Al-Isra' 17: Ayat Ke 32)

Oleh itu, marilah kita sama-sama menjaga diri kita agar tidak tercampak ke dalam mana-mana lembah yang dimurkai Allah. Ikutilah ajaran Islam yang sebenar. Sesungguhnya Islam itu mudah melainkan manusia saja yang menyusahkannya.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

A Successful Marriage: The Missing Link

“And among His signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between you; verily, in that are signs for people who reflect.” (Qur’an, 30:21)

We’ve all read this verse on countless marriage announcements. But how many have actualized it? How many of our marriages really embody that love and mercy described by Allah? What is going wrong when so many of our marriages are ending in divorce?

According to Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, author of Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs, the answer is simple. In his book, Eggerichs explains that extensive research has found that a man’s primary need is for respect, while a woman’s primary need is for love. He describes what he calls the “crazy cycle”—the pattern of argumentation that results when the wife does not show respect and the husband does not show love. He explains how the two reinforce and cause one another. In other words, when a wife feels that her husband is acting unloving, she often reacts with disrespect, which in turn makes the husband act even more unloving.

Eggerichs argues that the solution to the “crazy cycle” is for the wife to show unconditional respect to her husband and for the husband to show unconditional love to his wife. This means that a wife should not say that first her husband must be loving before she will show him respect. By doing so, she will only bring about more unloving behavior. And a husband should not say that first his wife must be respectful before he will show her love. By doing so, he will only bring about more disrespectful behavior. The two must be unconditional.

When I reflected on this concept, I realized that looking at the Qur’an and prophetic wisdom, there are no two concepts more stressed with regards to the marital relationship.

To men, the Prophet ﷺ said,

“Take good care of women, for they were created from a bent rib, and the most curved part of it is its top; if you try to straighten it, you will break it, and if you leave it, it will remain arched, so take good care of women.” (Bukhari & Muslim)

He has further stressed: “The most perfect believer in the matter of faith is one who has excellent behavior; and the best among you are those who behave best towards their wives.” (Al-Tirmidhi)

The Prophet ﷺ has also said, “A believing man should not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.” (Muslim)

Allah says:

“…Live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them – perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good.” (Qur’an, 4:19)

In these jewels of wisdom, men are urged to be kind and loving towards their wives. Moreover, they are urged to overlook their wife’s faults when showing that kindness and love.

On the other hand, when addressing the wife, the focus is different. Why are women not told again and again to be kind and loving towards their husbands? Perhaps it is because unconditional love already comes naturally to women. Few men complain that their wives do not love them. But many complain that their wives do not respect them. And it is this sentiment which is most stressed in the Qur’an and sunnah, with regards to wives.

Respect can be manifest in a number of ways. One of the most important ways to show respect is the respect of one’s wishes. When someone says, “I respect your advice,” they mean “I will follow your advice.” Respecting a leader, means doing what they say. Respecting our parents means not going against their wishes. And respecting one’s husband means respecting his wishes. The Prophet ﷺ has said: “When any woman prays her five, fasts her month, guards her body and obeys her husband, it is said to her: ‘Enter paradise from whichever of its doors you wish.’” [At-Tirmidhi]

Why are we as women told to respect and follow the wishes of our husbands? It is because men are given an extra degree of responsibility. Allah says: “Men are the protectors and maintainers [qawwamun] of women, because Allah has given the one more [strength] than the other, and because they support them from their means . . .” (Qur’an, 4:34)

But won’t this unconditional respect towards one’s husband put us, as women, in a weak, submissive position? Won’t we set ourselves up to be taken advantage of and abused? Quite the contrary. The Quran, the prophetic example, and even contemporary research have proven the exact opposite. The more respect a woman shows her husband, the more love and kindness he will show her. And in fact, the more disrespect she shows, the more harsh and unloving he becomes.

Similarly, a man may question why he should show kindness and love towards even a disrespectful wife. To answer this question, one only needs to look at the example of Omar Ibn ul-Khattab. When a man came to Omar (who was Khalifah at the time) to complain of his wife, he heard Omar’s own wife yelling at him. While the man turned to leave, Omar called him back. The man told Omar that he had come to complain of the same problem that Omar himself had. To this Omar replied that his wife tolerated him, washed his clothes, cleaned his home, made him comfortable, and took care of his children. If she did all of this for him, how could he not tolerate her when she raised her voice?

This story provides a beautiful example for all of us—not only for the men. This story is a priceless illustration of tolerance and patience, which is essential for any successful marriage. Moreover, consider the reward in the hereafter for those who show patience: Allah says, “Only those who are patient shall receive their reward in full without reckoning (or measure).” (Qur’an, 39:10)

By Yasmin Mogahed

Friday, March 23, 2012

Improper dress for women and intermingling between sexes

The greatest and most important of all the favors and blessings bestowed by Allaah is Islaam and the honorable Islamic law, which is derived from the Book of Allaah and the Prophetic Sunnah. This Law has outlined all that which is beneficial for mankind in this life and the Hereafter.

One of the virtues of this Law is that its rules and regulations have clearly laid out preventions of all evil and immorality, and all the roads that lead to it which is a protection of the truth and morality. There are many issues for which this Law has laid out preventative measures so that people will not fall into evil, for example on some of the issues of faith, acts of worship and transactions.

However, the most obvious of all of these preventative measures are those related to women and the limits that Allaah has defined for them not to exceed. Islaam has clearly laid the guidelines for the Muslim woman to adhere to so that her personality remains distinct and her safety, purity, and good conduct are assured.

The correct dress and covering for women and the prohibition of them intermixing with men are the two most important interconnected preventative measures that Islaam has laid out. Muslims must submit to the rulings which oblige women to properly cover in order to protect their chastity and purity, maintain shyness and protect them from being harassed or bothered, as Allaah Says (what means): “O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to bring down over themselves [part] of their outer garments. That is more suitable that they will be known [as chaste believing women] and not be abused. And ever is Allaah Forgiving and Merciful” [Quran 33: 59].

In this verse, Allaah addressed the wives of the Prophet , who were the furthest from immorality and evil actions; they were purest and most pious women ever and were honored by the virtue of being married to the Prophet .

Muslims must also adhere and submit to the rulings which prohibit intermixing mixing between men and women. There are many Islamic texts in this regard, such as the Hadeeth which is narrated by ‘Uqbah Ibn ‘Aamir that the Prophet , said: “Do not enter into the presence of women.” A man from the Ansaar then retorted: ‘What about our in-laws’ - referring to the relatives of a woman's husband such as his brothers, cousins, and their children, so the Prophet , replied: “The in-laws are death” [Al-Bukhaari & Muslim] which means that they are more harmful to women than death is to the soul. The previous evidence came from the Prophet , whose words were nothing but revelation. So how could anybody ever accept anyone else's opinion over this?

Why is it that the Prophet lined up the rows of men for prayers in the mosque separate from the women, and described the rows, as narrated by Abu Hurayrah by saying: “The best rows [in the mosque] are the first rows, and the worst are the last, and the best rows [in the mosque] for women are last the rows, and the worst are the first.” [Muslim]. This affirms the obligation of separating men from women, and keeping them far apart. If this is the way believing men and women should be during an act of worship inside the mosque, then how much more so is it necessary in places outside the mosques, where gatherings might include evil and sinful people along with the good people?

The Muslim nation must not slight these texts because the evil consequences which these texts are aiming to prevent society from still very much exist, and there is nothing that would prevent such evils from occurring in our time which did not exist at the time of the Prophet

Moreover, the people whom the Prophet addressed in these narrations were the best generation of the Muslim nation according to his own testimony, as was mentioned in many narrations. So, has the need for such texts and their warnings vanished in our time? Is it not a clear fact that in fact we need these texts and warnings even more than that generation did? This is especially so because of the dangers of evil in our time becoming more widespread and its means being more diverse.

It is usually the case that people honor any set of laws which they perceive as being beneficial to them, especially when these laws prevent evil or harm from befalling them when applied; moreover, people do not mind if these laws include certain restrictions on their freedom and impose penalties for those who disobey or transgress the defined limits. Why is it the case that some of those who believe in Allaah and His Messenger deal with Islamic Law with suspicion and uncertainty. Some of these people even go as far as to demand that it should be abolished, despite the fact that this Law includes all that which is beneficial to mankind and prevents, or at least reduces, all that which brings harm?

It is not permitted for anyone to discuss and pass judgment regarding this issue without having the proper Islamic knowledge to be able to do so. Nor should they base their discussion and opinion on unfounded claims with no evidence, or simply argue on the basis of their base desires. Rather, one should be sincere and free themselves from their base desires which will divert them far away from the truth. In addition, one must have a broad knowledge of Islam and possess the ability to differentiate between authentic and weak evidences, possess a clear understanding of the relevant evidences as well as the ability to properly extract Islamic rulings from these evidences; only then can a person become eligible to discuss this issue.

The outcome of what we say or write is the matter which we must fear the most, and are extremely wary of its consequence, as the Prophet , clarified to Mu’aath Ibn Jabal after he had asked with astonishment: "Will we be held responsible for all that we say?" The Prophet , replied: “What do you think makes people land on their faces or noses into the Hellfire more than the product of their tongues?” [Ahmad, Abu Daawood & At-Tirmithi].

http://www.islamweb.net/emainpage/index.php?page=ar5822

Saturday, March 10, 2012

CANTIKKU HANYA UNTUK SUAMIKU

Mempercantik diri bagiku sebagai seorang wanita adalah lumrah, sekalipun Allah telah menciptakan kaumku, Binti Hawa, dalam bentuk yang cantik lagi menarik, yang aku maksud dengan mempercantik diri adalah upaya untuk mempertahankan kecantikanku itu sebagai sebuah anugerah dari sang Maha Kuasa. Tetapi dalam hal ini aku tidak berlebih-lebihan dan memaksakan diri, wajar dan natural saja, aku tidak merasa perlu ke salon karena hal itu perlu ongkos yang kalau disedekahkan akan lebih berguna, atau buat beli jajan anak-anak saja, biar mereka lebih gembira, di samping itu di sana aku tidak merasa aman dari pandangan laki-laki asing, sekalipun salon tersebut katanya adalah salon khusus muslimah, tetapi siapa yang menjamin, aku teringat sebuah sabda Rasulullah saw yang intinya bahwa wanita manapun yang membuka pakaiannya bukan di rumah suaminya maka dia telah mencabik-cabik perlindungan Allah atas dirinya, naudzubillah, aku tidak mau hal itu menimpaku.

Aku merasa cukup dengan upayaku sendiri, caraku sendiri yang aku baca dari beberapa majalah wanita Islam atau tabloid, cara-cara alami dan natural dalam merawat kecantikan, misalnya dengan membuat masker dari buah-buahan: bengkoang, mentimun, alpukat dan buah-buah segar lainnya, aku melakukan itu secara berkala untuk untuk menjaga agar kulitku tetap segar, khususnya wajah agar tetap kencang dan menawan. Aku juga rajin membuat jus buah dan meminumnya, plus sayuran hijau yang kata ahli kesehatan bermanfaat bagi tubuh.

Bagiku menjaga kecantikan berarti menjaga kesehatan, mana bisa cantik kalau tidak sehat, ada satu rahasia yang ingin aku bagi kepada sesama Binti Hawa, aku berusaha menjaga kesehatan dengan selalu minum madu secara rutin, hampir tiada hari tanpa minum madu dan alhmadulillah aku tetap sehat, aku teringat sebuah ayat dalam al-Qur`an yang menyatakan bahwa madu adalah kesembuhan, dan aku pun teringat bahwa Rasulullah saw mengajak kaum muslimin untuk mencari kesembuhan pada madu, inilah yang memotivasiku untuk selalu minum madu.

Aku sadar bahwa cantik itu bersih, maka aku berusaha menjaga kebersihan tubuhku dengan mandi mininal pagi dan sore, memperhatikan daerah-daerah kotor dengan menggosoknya sebersih-bersihnya, kebersihan rambut aku jaga setiap dua atau tiga hari sekali, kebersihan mulut aku lakukan dengan berkumur pada saat berwudhu dan sebelum beranjak tidur sekaligus berwudhu dan sesudah bangun dari tidur dengan menggosok gigi. Kedua tangan dan kedua kakiku selalu aku cuci selesai melakukan atau memegang sesuatu, kuku-kuku keduanya tidak luput dari perhatianku, aku tidak suka merawat kuku tangan seperti yang dilakukan oleh sebagian kaumku sehingga ia panjang seperti kuku binatang buas, selain bisa menjadi sarang kuman juga bisa menghalangiku untuk melakukan beberapa aktifitas rumahku seperti mencuci dan lainnya, lebih dari semua itu bahwa yang demikian itu tidak sejalan dengan fitrah yang digariskan oleh Rasulullah saw.

Aku tahu bahwa cantik itu tidak sejalan dengan bau tubuh yang tidak sedap, untuk menjaga ini, selain aku mandi dengan benar secara rutin, aku juga membuang sarang bau tidak sedap pada tubuh, ketiak yang menjadi salah satu biang bau kurang sedap selalu menjadi perhatianku dengan membuang bulu yang tumbuh di sana, sebagai muslimah aku tahu Nabi saw menganjurkan hal itu, terkadang aku memakai satu dua semprotan pengharum badan selesai mandi dan aku yakin tidak akan keluar rumah, tetapi kalau aku yakin akan keluar rumah karena ada hajat untuk itu maka aku tidak memakainya, karena aku tahu agamaku melarangku sebagai wanita untuk meninggalkan rumahnya dalam keadaan tubuh berbau harum, aku tidak mau menjadi pemicu fitnah bagi kaum laki-laki.

Pakaian di rumah juga aku perhatikan, aku tidak boleh memakai baju yang kotor atau berbau apek, sekalipun koleksi baju rumahku tidak banyak, namun aku selalu menjaga agar bajuku tetap segar dan bersih, untuk urusan yang satu ini aku lebih cenderung kepada suami, maksudku pada saat membeli baju rumah, pendapat suamiku adalah nomor satu, jika dia bilang suka maka aku tersenyum mengiyakan, sebaliknya kalau dia tidak suka maka aku pun meninggalkannya, pada saat aku memakai sebuah baju, lalu suamiku memintaku untuk menggantinya dengan baju yang lain, maka aku akan menggantinya sekalipun ia masih bersih, toh tetap bisa dipakai ketika dia tidak rumah, aku tahu ada baju favorit bagi suamiku, dia paling suka kalau aku memakai baju tertentu, maka aku bersuaha sesering mungkin memakainya.

Aku juga tahu bahwa semua itu adalah kecantikan lahir, sekalipun penting namun tidak kalah dengannya adalah kecantikan sisi lain yaitu melalui akhlak mulia dan ilmu agama. Di mana cantiknya pada saat akhlak buruk menghiasi diri: ucapan dusta, ghibah, namimah, hasad, tamak dan akhlak buruk lainnya? Di mana cantiknya sebagai wanita muslimah kalau ternyata tidak mengerti perkara-perkara dasar dalam agamanya? Oleh karena itu aku selalu berusaha untuk menghiasi diri dengan akhlak dan budi pekerti mulia, plus upaya menambah ilmu agama melalu membaca, bertanya dan menghadiri majlis ilmu.

Satu hal yang ingin aku katakan kepada saudari-saudariku, bahwa aku melakukan semua itu adalah demi suamiku dan hanya untuk suamiku, ya cantikku memang hanya untukmu suamiku seorang, aku ingin tulus kepada suamiku, aku tidak ingin membagi sedikit pun dari kecantikanku kepada orang lain karena hal itu tidak patut, aku dan diriku hanya untuknya, maka demikian pula kecantikanku. Aku tidak ingin mengikuti sebagain wanita yang justru ingin terlihat cantik dengan berdandan habis manakala hendak keluar rumah untuk hajat ini dan itu, para wanita yang bersolek bukan untuk suaminya, aku melihat mereka adalah para istri yang tidak tulus kepada suami mereka, karena mereka telah membagi apa yang seharusnya menjadi hak murni suami kepada orang lain, kasihan suami mereka, tetapi bagaimana lagi, yang terjadi justru suami mereka memang mendiamkan atau mengizinkan. Wallahu a’lam.
(Izzudin Karimi)